I wasn’t sure what to post, though I wanted to post something. It was suggested to me that I post a little bit about why there haven’t been many posts in the past few weeks. I had been avoiding that because I didn’t think the reasons fit within the scope of this blog; namely, a site of passionate calls to repent and wholly serve the Lord. The more I thought about it though, the more it did fit, albeit in dichotomy to that purpose.
Ever since a few months ago, when I began to seriously strive to be obedient to Jesus’ command to evangelize things have been happening. I either get tripped up, or let myself get tripped up. Here are some (unordered) examples:
- Fear to evangelize at times
- Flat-out lack of desire to be obedient when tired or stressed from a long day
- Lack of sincere prayer time
- Lack of just sitting at the feet of the Lord
- Lackluster discipline in Bible reading/study
- Materialism that I had not been previously susceptible to
- Distractions of near-obsessive desires to have stuff
Impatience/frustration knowing that I was in sin in these areas but was repenting and starting again was like riding a bicycle with a loose, slipping chain…I could never get spiritual momentum enough to (more likely didn’t want to) totally flee from these things.
Through it all though, I knew it was also partly just a time where the Lord had hidden Himself to test me (yes, I failed miserably). I never doubted my salvation and was always thankful for Who He is and what He’d done to save me…I just stumbled along the path away from the City of Destruction.
This is our life in Christ. We have victories. We have defeats. After our Jerichos often come our Ais that come as result of our own faults. Repent and do the first works…even if it seems fruitlessly cyclical at times. Things will change in a few days or weeks or months. And, one day, by the loving grace of the Lord, you will finish well.
Posted: August 3rd, 2008 under Challenge, Encouragement.
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